I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
