Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
its liver damage thursday
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
