And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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