I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
