we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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