Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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