I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
