They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
