All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
