dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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