I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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