I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I cut my penus on the lid.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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