Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
