I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
