doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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