I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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