i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
