I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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