Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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