onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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