Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
