yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
