Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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