I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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