If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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