Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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