Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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