i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
