you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
