I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm too high and old for this...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
