We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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