Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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