I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
