Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
