I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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