I faked an abortion last night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
