1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
