She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
