I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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