I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
