He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
