anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
