East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish you could order shots online.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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