I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
