hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
