theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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