I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
