Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
