FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
