Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
