thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
