Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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