You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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